


Here is Mrs Thieme’s version of ‘The night before Christmas!”
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
There was absolute chaos, just pity the poor mouse.
The stockings were lost and could not be found
Mum swore as she searched around and around.

The children were fighting about not going to bed
One gave his sister a bump on the head,
Granddad was plastered, the baby was sick
The dog was giving the turkey a lick.
When out in the garden we heard a gruff shout
It was a male voice, to be sure, without doubt.
We all rushed to the window as if in a race
We ran over Grandma in all of the haste.

We could not see much, as the rain it fell loud
And the moon was well hidden behind a dark cloud
Then suddenly there in front of our eyes,
Sat a small fat man in a red cloak disguise.
With a beer in his hand and dribble down his jaws
We knew in a jiffy, it must be Santa Claus.
He sat in a puddle all sad and forlorn
His beard had come off and lay on the lawn

He started to say something as he clutched at the fence
But his words slurred together and did not make sense.
Beside him on the grass lay a big sort of sack
It did not look the type to go on Santa’s back.
We watched as he grabbed it but he was too slow
He spewed all his guts into the roses below.
Dad gripped the curtains, this was too much to bear
When he thought of his roses, the work and the care.

He shouted out “Hey you, Can’t you behave?”
Then Santa looked up and gave him a wave.
He lurched slightly forward, brought himself upright
And began a rendition of Silent Night.
It was a new version that we had not heard.
But Santa, he seemed to know every rude word.
Mum clapped her hands over her ears with dismay
Grandma was giggling and chuckling away.

Then Santa stopped to have a swig of his beer
And started to call out the names of all his reindeer.
From out of the darkness, some footsteps were heard
Then silently and with hardly a word

Two policemen arrived and without a sound
They soon had Santa pinned to the ground.
So off he was carted straight to the cells
Now merrily singing Jingle Bells
And he gave a big burp as he stumbled out of sight
Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!
(By Tanya Thieme)
Even more Funny Comments!
Out in the playground Georgia came up to Mrs Thieme and said “look at my arm. Lachlan hurt me!’
Mrs Thieme asked her how it had happened!
“Well he was talking too much and it made me not concentrate on where I was going!”
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